You know, over and over I think I finally know what it feels like to be loved. And over and over I find myself jerked out of my dream with the sudden, and yet never surprising, realization that the love that was given to me was always, ever conditional.
And then suddenly here I am slowly building a life with a person who from day one has told me his intentions are 100% in. Of course, with the trauma I’ve experienced I’m ever skeptical, but slowly he is showing me that he’s serious. In little bits and pieces his commitment to me gets challenged, and every time he has come out on my side.
On my side.
I have someone on my side.
I hope, with the desperation of a lonely traveler dying of thirst in the desert, that this is not a mirage. I hope as if my life depends on it.
And I dream.
I dream of flying.