久しぶりの富士見パノラマは本当にきつい。頭がコースや技を覚えていても体に伝わるわけないね。いや、前回はこんなにきつくなかったでしょうと、こんなにビビってたはずないでしょうと思いながら一本目を降ってきた。

しかし、頭と体の覚えは全く合ってなかったみたい。私、今日は本当に速かったの。他人にも言われたし、師匠にも言われた。スムーズに速い。しかもバンクも使いこなしてたし、ミスしたら上手くリカバリーもしてた。自分の感覚で、言われなくてもわかってた。

コースを降るたんびに、さらに速くなってた。ただ、残念なことに、最初の一本のビビりで、ブレーキ握り過ぎてて手が疲れてきて、4本目を安全に走る自信はなかった。

今は車の中で帰ってるところ。今は、頭の中で今日は充分走ったとわかっている。わかっているのに、ああ、やっぱりまだ走りたい。

病気だね。この病気は幸せだね。一生、この病気が治らないようにお祈りします。

English

The first downhill ride of the season is always rough. I say this as if I’ve had more than one, but the feeling was shared among my friends today. In your head, you know you can ride this course. You’ve done it before and you even remember all the roots, rocks, curves and techniques. And yet, your body just doesn’t seem awake to the input. It’s like, last year I couldn’t possibly have ridden this poorly, but at the same time you’re seriously tense with fear.

Ironically, I actually rode faster today than ever before. I was complimented by a total stranger and my coach: fast and smooth. I even managed to make a few banks my bitches. With each descent I got more confident, more smooth, and more speed. I could feel my body performing techniques it had never done before, and naturally, without thinking about them, and I even noticed myself recovering from slips and hiccups that would have semt me sprawling before.

Unfortunately, I didn’t get to ride all four descents. The tension in my body on the first run wore out my hands and cramped my fingers so that I knew I couldn’t count on a safe ride anymore.

And here’s the rub. I rode all out today. I rocked the hills, caught the air, whipped through the turns, and completely wore myself out. I know this all the way inside my brain space.

But I still want to ride. Sick. The sweet pleasures of The Sickness. May I never, ever heal!

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